phenelopsis

I need to write, desperately..
the nights have burnt themselves down to the butt,
and for all those who know, iam not ready to stub, not just yet

i need to cry, hysterically..
it was long enough to be meaningful ..
standing tall and strong is taking it's toll..
but now i hear something breaking inside
you've been away way too long
and i can't keep waking up alone any longer...

the leaves have changed colors now...
half of them have even left their branches..
life's waiting.. and so am i.
i want winter to return,
in all it's glory, with misty mornings and dark nights...
only so i'd have you to warm my feet in the middle of the night

Flashes.....Like an old short film with multiple clips

Our finger prints have dried up on the cement driveway
and they'll be theRe forever.

B."v" L.G.A.R.I

got the Bvlgari account on Friday!

cut..copy...paste.

He is a modern man
A modern man,
digital and cost free;
a man for the millennium

a diversified, muli-cultural,
post-modern deconstructionist;
politically, anatomically, and ecologically incorrect.

I've been uplinked and downloaded,
I've been imputted and outsourced.
I know the upside of downsizing
I know the downside of upgrading.

I'm a high-tech, low-life.
A cutting-edge, state-of-the-art,
bi-coastal multi-tasker,
and I can give you a gigabyte in a nanosecond.

I'm new wave, but I’m old school;
And my inner child is 0utward-bound.

I’m a hot-wired, heat-seeking,
Warm-hearted cool customer;
voice-activated and bio-degradable.

I interface with my database;
my database is in cyberspace;
so I’m interactive, Im hyperactive,
and from time to time I’m radioactive

Behind the eight ball, ahead of the curve,
ridin’ the wave, dodgin’ the bullet,
pushin’ the envelope.

I’m in the moment, on the edge,
over the to, but under the radar.

friends??

are we what we are because of the circumstances we are in....??
are we friends with the people we are friends with just because we're going throught the same stuff an' connect over those our similar situations??

It's gettin easier for me to believe in this,
but then does it also mean that our friends would change as and when we would be in a novel circumstance or situation?
would we change friends as often as a change of season...
or maybe as frequently as a change in clothes?
everyday is a new day an' a new attire ..right?

but don't some eople stick around forever...an' bind us to our roots...
an' remain a part of us,even when they are millions of miles away?!

...........my question answered*

"I love you without knowing how, or when, or from where. I love you straightforwardly without complexities or pride. I love you because I know no other way than this. So close that your hand, on my chest, is my hand. So close, that when you close your eyes, I fall asleep."

............blogging only coz im meant to*

writing an' deleting....
im tryin to put thoughts into feelings....
an' them into acts....
im have a tough time doing both

it's weird when time flies...
an' the sand runs through your hand...
it's sad when you try to hold on...an' it all flows away like water.
but life's stranger than reality...
an sometimes prayers are answered...
even when you least expexct them to!

the summer of 'o7's been a whirlwind tour...
writer's block*
for this one person..words will never suffice
nothing will ever be enough...
im scared now....hoping it not to be a dream...coz im too scared of waking up to reality!

van*

lots needs to be figured in this picture.....
my favourite is the sunflowers.....maybe coz it's one of the masterpieces i ever saw...i have a fake in my dining room at home.
but this is smthng i like too!

3:13 a.m...NDTV...India questions Ashley Judd.....

iam touched....does that sound pseudo..or prosaic.....
whatever it maybe.....
this woman on t.v is a phenomenon....
a child of the Hippie America of the 7o's.....
she did yoga in class three.....
she's an indian spirit i can tell....so can pronoy i guess..coz he's said it to her a few times over.
she's beautiful...inside-out.....
i don't think i'v ever seen any of her movies though..but she'd be brilliant in them i know.
she's been tryin to do a lot of work againt HIV and AIDs here in India....
n' her conviction,determination,focus, and the grief which inevitably surrounds the cause she so believes in is as real an' genuine as your existence and mine.
(i could've said you and me...but our reality is not real enough)
anyhow...it's time to wake up and smell the coffee....and do something!

<><><>

Like a bird on the wire,
Like a drunk in a midnight choir I have tried in my way to be free.
Like a worm on a hook,
Like a knight from some old fashioned book I have saved all my ribbons for thee. Like a baby, stillborn,
Like a beast with his horn I have torn everyone who reached out for me.
But I swear by this song and by all that I have done wrong I will make it all up to thee.

2o questions

1. Pick out a scar you have, and explain how you got it:
Bite mark on my lower leg....i ws 1o..or maybe 11...thanks cheeku!

2. What is on the walls in your room?
posters...two of which i bought...n' one from peter..
tag board with pictures..an' my peacock feather.

3. What does your phone look like?
got a new one...a hand me down frm papa..but it's white..sleek n' a touch screen.


4. What music do you listen to?
recently....blink 182...advaita
wolfmother...jim morrison..forever!

5. What is your current desktop picture?
aaaahh...me ..niha n' sats..

6. What do you want more than anything right now?
to see my life life headed straight...getting a lil sea sick coz of the swirls!


7. Do you believe in gay marriage?
what's there not to believe!!!

8. What time were you born?
i have no clue!!

9. Are your parents still together?
yup.they're soulmates....silver anniversary 9 days away!

10. What are you listening to?
my a.c in the background n' the theme of miami ink.

12. The last person to make you cry?
is very far away!

13. What is your favourite perfume/cologne?
envy..coolwater...deep red..

14. What kind of hair/eye colour do you like on the opposite sex?
dark eyes...n' i hate gelled hair.

15. Do you like pain killers?
nope!

16. Are you too shy to ask someone out?
i guess.....shy i don't know..but my ego'sd too inflated to ask anyone out'

17. Fave pizza topping?
pineapple..olives..n' corn.

18. If you could eat anything right now, what would it be?
maggiee..iam goin to make me some!!.


19. Who was the last person you made mad?
sats i think..i din't wish her before her edxam last night!


20. Is anyone in love with you?
................is there!?!?!?!??

??

they say iam talented in many ways.....
????????????????

dexterity is no forte of mine....
nor is public relations.....
iam tired of the cynicism ...
the sentences laced with sarcasm....
the *love you's* an' *miss you's* have lost their frequency....
they savour my failure and suck the last drop of hope from my body...
limp an' dishelved......i think they'r right when i'm told i don't belong here no more
all i wanna do is walk barefoot n' have people smile at me on the way!

~gAiJiN~

my life n' it's twist......memories wrapped in bubble wrap...stored in a shoe box..n' then locked THEM away!!!!
that is how paranoid i WAS about losing them...an' as the calendar changed pages..i realised i'd started living in that very same box!
there was a musky warm smell that smelt so familiar...the cotton shirt felt so confortable in my hands....the damn felt so damn good!'
my hair played with the evening breez as you lost yourself in me...the molten moments demanded a cast..an' that's what you provided me with!!
the pieces of the puzzle jus fit together....
.insane as it may sound.....
the past became my present.....an' i din't wanna live anywhere else...till i realised..i had no choice!

it was the time between dawn an' dusk...the hour when the world is at it's darkest....
everything sinister beakoned.....an' i dared to tip toe outside
unlocking the box n' airing my memories......i emerged out of bubble wrap..i felt like a gai-jin(firangee in japanese)
the jig saw's just a jumble now...n' the pieces don't fit as well as they used to....
this was my past..present...an' i prayed every night that my future would be a very similar picture.....
the past became my present.....
but you din't tug on my heart as hard as you used to....an' i let myself out of the window jus to see if i would fall into the puddle an' gt myself all muddy......
i faced my quintessential destiny......
did you hear me scream....my loud shout...???
....an' i don't think i wanna go live in the shoe box once more

dALi

~one of dali's lesser know works....girl by the window.....


(disclaimer...her butts are definately bigger than mine*!!)

no reservations

forever living in a tortured paradox...?
different specialities...
the leap across the oceans is a big one!
love at first sight..an' the rest is all history...
something that allured me to linger on...an' fall in love with your* paradise..
the smell an' sound of burning charcoal.
multiple colours an' hues of cobalt blue....
iam goin to put my life on hold an' hang my hat for abit.
stop moving.......
ready yet?
lots to see...so much more to do???
maybe it's my real home.....it's always been
n' it's comforting in knowing ...
that once i stop moving ..i have a place to come back to......

my world cup('oo7) diaries~I

practice match begins in Jamaica in a few hours....
we start our world cup capaign with this one match.....
let's start saying our prayers!

Dead Poet's Socity...

today

of :-
bottled dreams an' cigarette burns
nervous laugh...an' fruit flavored sorbets
fusion bands n' photo shoots.
scorching shooping sprees in gk
n' soirees in the park
midnight conversations an cricket in the lawn
summer storms n' garam chai
ripped jeans an' blogs
confused ethnicity an' gay best friends.
poems wrapped in bubblegum wrap.
n' hash on sale on the internet
old friends ..an' chocolote fudge
mutilated bodies and crystal beads
compassion written on street walls.
distorted souls n' vivacious personas
scribbled hurried notes an' self help books.
pop up friends an' (un)cultured upbringing
organic food n' inorganic lives
battered love n' stretched limits..
acidic lies..n' technicoloured existence.
undefined boundaries an' manipulated media circus...
old stories an' new people
of strangers in the stairwell...n' old ladys in sneakers walking their dogs.
neon dreams...n' fast cars
red carpets an' painted faces.
true friends and scented candels
understated elegance an' oh Gosh! moments.
red wine an' sparks in the sky
chasing the sunshine on the floor
ashing in the water n' smoking in the loo(under the din of the exhaust)
blood on the floor n' a song in my head.
life changing decisions an' split second deaths.
refracted light an' pink fuzzy socks.
metallic frames an' over exposed pictures
stained knives an' movie posters.
old hindi songs an it's techo remixed version
illusions being peddled on the street.
pink stilletoes an' nani's old steel trunk
waiting in ques an' fighting over the movies..
butter popcorn n' nachoes(grr...stay away)
missed calls n' more missed calls...
a zillion other phone calls..
of love n' lust....an' the mango/peach lip balm.
printed skirts n' embroidered ambitions
kisses by starlight n' heartbreak typed on gmail.

disclaimer:-profound..i know.;)

i'v been blogging a lot lately....
but it's not coz iam thinking more or coz i have a lot more to say.it's the same old thought process..jus that iam in the process of disconnectin with the world...n' re-connecting with myself.
iam on the phone a lot less....n' as they say spending quality time with myself.spending time with nanna n' papa...n' tryin to gain brownie points for the summer.(n' also fr the aftrlife)
exam tension is absent...but that's nothing new.
i'v become a lot smarter..or so iam being told...
smarter ...wiser.....intellectual...it's all relative..i guess.
it's only the experience that counts.
n' with every passing day iam adding up to my meager measure of it.

yesterday...once more it became clear to me...that in the end....you're by yourself.
not that i ws rendered a heart breaking blow...or stabbed in the back by my kin...
a tiny incident ws enough to bring the point home...yet again!
the promises of friendship fade away n' forever ends sooner than you expectd.
my best friends been tryin to drill this fact in my head for the longest time....also goin to the extent of cutting all ties with me for 4 months....only so tht i'd to handle losss.he did a good job i thnk....coz iam definately stonger than yesterday.
n' strenght is all that we need to make every situation a lil more bearable....n' life a lot more peaceful...im not referring to happiness here...coz i for one know that the persuit of happiness is the most difficult.
not many would agree....but pain ..hurt...loss...despair....anger n' also our joy...it's all in the head....
our happiness lies in our own hands......n' strength only comes from experience an' responsibility.
so much is happening all around...every minute i'm bombarded with so much knowledge..news n' incidents....experiences..word of wisdom...n' lessons learnt from life.
i sit on my bed n' iam transported to diffrent surroundings in a matter of seconds...
dissapointments...triumphs....i experience them all with all those i love.
n' last night i wished i ws that japanese guy frm heroes*....
i want to time travel n' meet myself 5 years from now....all tht i seem to be learning n' claim to have learnt....is it all in my head...??

edited*

middle of the night...
when my dad thinks iam burning the midnight oil....slogging for my impending finals....
this is wht i do.




this is one of the old dilapidated structures close to college street,one of the older part in the city of Cal(my fav.for reasons too obvious)
but comin back to the city..n' the building...
people walk by ....buses n' the yellow cabs honk past n' by standers don't even acknowledge it's presence.no one pays no heed
as this architectural marvel screams for a face lift
an' quietly observes life pass by.
generationgs os students have walked past...countless hawkers have spat n' pee'd on it's once newly whitewashed walls...but tday..all there is is a stench...
but i love it nonetheless
n' very soon i'd go back n' have a look at it again(i promise myself)